Losing your virginity can seem scary, and the range of myths surrounding it doesn’t help. In most cases, though, penetrative sex should not be intensely painful, even on your first time. Follow along after the jump to learn how to mentally and physically prepare yourself.
Try to feel comfortable with your own sexuality.
Most people fear the unknown, and it’s easy to get anxious if you don’t know what’s coming. Feeling tense and nervous will put a damper on the experience, in addition to making your vaginal muscles clenched and more prone to pain. Instead of letting anxiety take over, try to find ways to relax and become educated beforehand so you feel confident in the moment.
Take a trip to the drugstore.
Buying a few items ahead of time can make losing your virginity a little easier. Consider picking up condoms and lubricants
Discuss your concerns with your partner.
Having sex with someone you trust can make your first time a lot less nerve-wracking. Your partner should be considerate of your feelings, focused on making sure you have a good experience, and willing to help you through the process. If your potential partner pressures you too much, or if he or she doesn’t seem very concerned about how having sex might affect you, maybe it’s best to reconsider.
Know what your hymen is.
The hymen is a thin membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening, and almost every girl is born with one. It starts to wear away over time due to a variety of activities, such as playing sports, tampon usage, menstruation or normal movement.Any bleeding you experience after losing your virginity should not be on the same level as having a period. The good news is, although you can’t control your hymen tearing, you can control how relaxed you are.
Get acquainted with how you’re angled.
If you can help your partner ease into you at the correct angle, you’ll avoid some potentially painful fumbling. Most girls aren’t straight up and down, but instead angled back toward the spine or forward toward the belly button — both directions are normal.
While Having Sex
Set a relaxing mood.
Loosen up by making the atmosphere stress-free. Get rid of any distracting clutter, shut off your phone, and remove anything else that might make you feel nervous or keep you from focusing on your partner.
Take your time.
Try to think of sex as a marathon, not a sprint, and focus on enjoying your partner without rushing. Instead of worrying about getting right to it, spend time figuring out what you and your partner both enjoy. Start with kissing, move to making out, and stick to whatever pace feels most comfortable for both of you.
Communicate with your partner.
Try not to be afraid to ask for what you need in the moment — he or she should be more than happy to help you. Slowing down, moving gently, or using more lubrication are all things you could suggest to ease the pain of your first time.
Do some aftercare (optional).
If you’re really struggling with the pain or experiencing bleeding, try to deal with it before it becomes too aggravating. Take an over-the-counter pain reliever (do not take aspirin if you’re under age 19), clean up any blood, and wear a light pad for a few hours.